When learning about investing and growing financial wealth we often hear about good debt and bad debt. Good debt is associated with buying things which increase in value while bad debt is associated with lifestyle spending like daily expenses, holidays and so on. As John Paul Getty said, “If it appreciates buy it, if it depreciates lease it.”
Similarly, there are good shoulds and bad shoulds.
We often do things because we feel it’s something we “should” do. We should keep in regular contact with our parents/children, we should get a degree so we’ll get a good job, we should put others needs before our own.
How often do you hear yourself saying “I should do …..”?
So, which of these shoulds should we do? How do we tell if these are good shoulds or bad shoulds?
I often use the analogy of the apple seed in the carrot patch. If your soul seed is an apple; your burning desire, your ambition and your life purpose will be to produce apples. (Very often that burning desire might be a very small ember and hard to find but it’s always there.)
In this case (the desire to produce apples) those things which enable you to express your innate self are good shoulds while those which detract from it are bad shoulds.
For example; a person who has Mars in the seventh house in their astrological birth chart will be a person who needs to express themselves physically within the context of a personal, intimate relationship.
The ideal partner for someone with this configuration is a person who is physically very active, perhaps even an adrenalin junky.
Thus, they can spend time together doing the things they love – jumping out of aeroplanes, rock climbing, bush walking, dancing, the gym are a few examples.
Conversely, if our subject is in a relationship with a couch potato the relationship will be challenged and may become violent and abusive.
In this case it’s best for the person to get out of the relationship even though there will be many people saying they should stay together, whether it’s for the sake of the children, the mortgage, doing the “right” thing by the community and so on.
There’s always lots of ‘good, logical’ reasons for maintaining the status quo.
The problem is that we’re working from a head space, not a heart space. If your heart isn’t in the relationship then what’s the value for you?
Another example is keeping your job.
A recent Gallup poll showed that 87% of workers worldwide “are emotionally disconnected from their workplaces and less likely to be productive.”
The big question here is: if that’s the case, why do these people stay in these jobs?
In some cases they may actually not have an option. However, many people stay because they feel they “should”.
I wonder how many of these people are thinking “I hate this job. I should leave and get another job/start my own business/travel/retire to the country….” but they stay where they are because they think: I have a mortgage/can’t get another job/don’t know how to start a business….
These people are living in the bad shoulds. They’re wasting their lives and missing the opportunity to fulfil their deep seated desires and real purpose for being alive.
Clearly, this is destructive for them and the business they work for.
On the other hand there are the good shoulds – “I should: follow my dream/spend quality time with family & friends/learn a new skill/do something I’ve never done before…”
These things will help you learn about yourself and help you see how unique and amazing you really are.
In your life, when you hear your inner voice saying “I should…” is it a good should or a bad should? Will it lead you to your happy place or just meet an obligation put on you by someone else?
If it’s a good should do it. If not, do you really need to do it? Maybe you do, but then act from a position of consciousness and awareness of exactly WHY you’re doing what you are.
Ultimately, you’ll find you’ll be living more and more from the good shoulds and less from the bad ones, giving you a sense of living your true purpose, finding meaning and fulfilment in your life and simply enjoying your wonderful life.
As Oscar Wilde put it: “be yourself, everyone else is taken”. The world needs you to be the best and happiest you, you can be.
You achieve that by living the “shoulds” which support you.