My mother is staying with us this week, visiting from Perth.
One of the missions to be accomplished during her visit was sorting out ownership of my grandfather’s grave.
You see, he and my grandmother had purchased a double plot – her’s was used (sadly) in 1966.
He, however, had moved to Israel after my aunt and her family moved there.
Subsequently he passed away and is buried there, leaving his half of their plot at Rookwood cemetery unused
Since my mother is now living in Perth, having moved there at my sister’s “suggestion”, she doesn’t intend to use the Rookwood plot.
So, it was decided to resell it.
Naturally, there’s a lot of bureaucracy involved, which (we hope) has now been sorted.
That process has led to some ‘interesting’ conversations about what to do when…
Not only for Mum but Danita and me too.
Into the mix was added a recent conversation with a friend who was quite clear about how and where she wanted to be buried – the when didn’t come up.
She talked about “natural burial”.
I’ll return to that shortly.
I’ve had occasion to visit Rookwood Cemetery a number of times throughout my life.
So far, every time has been to the Jewish section.
Today, we had to find an administration office and that involved going to a completely different section than I’d ever been before – a whole new experience.
One thing that struck me was the size and elaborateness of some of the tombs/graves.
The plot itself isn’t cheap but some of the sites had what can only be described as mini houses.
It got me thinking about different society’s approach to death and what to do with the dead.
Last year, I was in Egypt.
We all know that the ancient Egyptian society was totally focused on death with elaborate tombs, embalming processes to ensure the preservation of the body, the belief that the Pharaoh would continue on in the afterlife and would have his servants with him.
Modern western society seems to emphasise cremation as the preferred option.
Given the growth of populations and limited land this seems reasonable.
Personally, I’m opposed to cremation for a number of reasons:
– it’s polluting the atmosphere
– the nutrients which make up a person’s body aren’t returned to the soil where they would be made available for the growth of plants and other animals
– there’s evidence (if you’re willing to accept it as such) that the soul still feels what the body is going through even after death. The prospect of putting a soul, which is probably confused and possibly traumatised by its recent experience of being separated from the body, through something like being burned sends shivers down my spine.
– The use of industrial crematoria in Nazi death camps is an image that is unshakable for me and so the idea of subjecting someone I know to that is somewhat horrifying.
Having said that there are many societies which have been using cremation for a long time.
So, if your tradition is to be cremated – go for it.
It’s just not for me and mine.
As we see, there are as many ways of dealing with the dead as there are different societies.
Returning to the idea of ‘natural burial’.
According to Wikipedia: “Natural burial is the interment of the body of a dead person in the soil in a manner that does not inhibit decomposition but allows the body to recycle naturally. It is an alternative to other contemporary Western burial methods.”
The Jewish and Moslem traditions are that the body is simply wrapped in a shroud and placed in the ground (no box/coffin).
In Australia, health regulations require the use of a coffin or other sealed container or wrap.
Jews deal with that by using a simple black, pinewood coffin, which breaks down easily.
So, it would seem that ‘natural burial’ is readily available.
However, it’s not quite that simple.
Doing a search for ‘natural burial’ brings up a lot of sites for funeral homes offering this as an option.
However, when you look into it properly it’s just another ‘green wash’ – the same old, same old being presented with eco-friendly marketing.
Again from Wikipedia: “The body may be prepared without chemical preservatives or disinfectants such as embalming fluid, which might destroy the microbial decomposers that break the body down. It may be buried in a biodegradable coffin, casket, or shroud. The grave does not use a burial vault or outer burial container that would prevent the body’s contact with soil. The grave should be shallow enough to allow microbial activity similar to that found in composting. Natural burials can take place both on private land (subject to regulations) and in any cemetery that will accommodate the vault-free technique.[citation needed]
A wide variety of land management techniques, such as sustainable agriculture, restoration ecology, habitat conservation projects, and permaculture, may be used to maintain the burial area in perpetuity. Landscaping methods may accelerate or slow down the decomposition rate of bodies, depending on the soil system.”
As you can see, it’s not just the burial technique which is involved but a more complete picture encompassing the land management as well.
Lorna, the friend who first raised this with us, spoke of “being buried in a soft cloth pod like being wrapped in a blanket located on a hillside among the trees and flowers”.
As she described it, it sounded quite appealing and beautiful.
At the cemetery today, we came across a number of graves which had beautiful stone benches incorporated into the grave area.
This is clearly intended to be somewhere loved ones could gather and sit for a while to think and contemplate.
In principle, that’s a laudable idea but personally I’d like to be in an environment which is more appealing than in the midst of a group of old and broken graves.
It’s not something I’m planning on utilising in the foreseeable future, but it is an important topic that needs to be discussed with loved ones.
We often talk about “where do you see yourself ending up?”
The important question may be “How do you see yourself after you’ve ‘ended up’?”
And on that cheerful note I wish you all the best for a long, happy and rewarding life for many years, whoever you are and whatever age you are.