This week, a friend, who I hadn’t seen for a while, asked me the question “How’s everything going?”
I told her that Danita’s business, SHE Business, was doing well with a great response to the upcoming event (Fearless). I then told her about my ‘real job’; helping out a friend who has a marketing business as a part-time operations manager. Finally, I told her about my astrology/coaching business (Aviel).
After this conversation I started thinking about my response. The main issue for me was that the business I’m really passionate about (Aviel) was the one I placed last in my list. What was gong on there? Surely, you’d answer the original question with the thing which is the most important to you. And yet, I did it in the reverse order.
Noticing I’d done this got me thinking….
I realised I was a bit apprehensive about her reaction to my reply and felt defensive. Had I started by talking about Aviel and had a negative reaction I would have been upset and possibly offended. And so, in order to gauge her likely responses, I answered in the order of less personal attachment. This was a way of protecting my ‘baby’ from attack. This, by the way, was a totally inappropriate reaction – she was very supportive and enthusiastic about what was happening with Aviel.
It made me wonder how often I (and maybe others) reply to similar questions in this way. The effect is to dilute the passion and enthusiasm because, by the time you’ve worked your way through the protective layers the conversation has wandered off into another direction. You need to be talking to a very good listener (a rare talent) in order to keep this kind of discussion on track.
In the world of politics and diplomacy this is an important skill; being able to talk for hours without saying anything of significance or importance. However, in real relationships and real communication we end up spending a lot of time sprouting meaningless fluff and waffle, where we should be being succinct and to the point.
While sometimes long discussions may be important – having an opportunity to talk through an idea will often enable us to understand and clarify a concept – I believe we should be aiming for more concise and effective communication. This means having enough trust and faith in ourselves and in the people we’re talking to be open and prepared to be vulnerable so we’re saying what we really mean.
Have you had a situation like mine, where you’ve talked ‘around’ an important issue only to find it got lost and never properly resolved, or this a unique ‘talent’ of mine?