Of all the trips I’ve been on in my life the one I went on this week may be the most profound: the guilt trip.
It all started pleasantly enough. I have a client for whom I developed a database application many years ago and they’re still using it. Over the years I kept raising the issue of backups and a robust network. Naturally, nothing had been done. That is, until last Tuesday.
They’d finally decided to bite the bullet and set things up properly. Naturally, they asked me to do it for them.
It took a few hours to set up – it was after all a very simple environment – and by 6pm we were all done. I happily showed the owner how all the machines could access the database application and how they could all print and how the backups worked.
Then disaster struck.
In the process of setting up the database in the new (nice & clean) environment, I’d noticed there were a number of all and confusing files. So, being a tidy sort, I thought I’d take a couple of minutes to clean up.
I won’t bore you with the technicalities but basically I was overzealous and managed to cleanup (ie delete) the data file as well.
Trying various ways to retrieve the deleted file took us until 11pm that night, followed by a day exploring options.
Fortunately, they found a copy of the data file from last November and the decision was to use this and try to recreate as much of the work from the intervening months. Not much customer work had been done being the December-January period but the quiet time had been used to clean up the database, removing duplicate records and cleaning the data.
Of course there was added time pressure because there is a big catalogue mailout due for this week and this database is central to that process.
Ultimately, the story had a reasonable end – can’t say it was a very good one – and they’re back up and running reasonably close to where they were.
So, how was this a profound experience for me. I learned lots and understood at a real experiential level some things which intellectually I thought I understood.
What I learned:
* Confession is good for the soul. We often hear this but now I KNOW it. It felt important to explain what had happened and to take responsibility for what I’d done. Thankfully, the client also understood that the lack of backups was their responsibility and so there was a shared culpability. This enabled us to focus on how best to deal with the situation rather than spend time finger pointing and laying blame. Of course I did have the question running through my head about how much I should say, just in case lawyers became involved.
* Guilt is an incredibly powerful emotion. While I was devastated over what I’d done, in the greater scheme of things no-one died and there was no major permanent damage. How much worse would it have been say being involved in a car accident or similar where someone is killed or permanently injured.
* Professional Indemnity (PI) Insurance has value. I tend to be opposed to the idea of insurance. Basically, the principle is that you’re betting against yourself. The insurance companies charge a lot of money basically punting that you’re going to be OK and not have any major issues.
You, on the other hand, are betting that something will happen and for you to collect on all that money you’ve paid them you need some major disaster to occur in your life.
The problem is major disasters do happen and hence the need for insurance.
I’m grateful that these clients are not the litigous type, but I did spend a sleepless night trying to work out what to do and part of the thing keeping me awake was the question of how to deal with the matter should they decide to sue.
* When you’ve got something working LEAVE IT ALONE. Being tidy was what got us into trouble.
What didn’t help:
* People who’s immediate response was along the lines of “why didn’t you do a backup?” or “how is it possible they didn’t have an SOP (Standard Operating Procedure) to ensure they had a current backup?”
* Worrying about lawyers getting involved
What helped:
* Telling myself very quickly, when I realised what had happened, that I wasn’t a stupid person but I had done a stupid thing.
* Hearing from other people that this week had been challenging for them as well – there’s something going on. Note to self – check out astrological influences.
* Talking to IT people whose business was data retrieval and the standard response to my explanation was “I know how you feel because I’ve done the same thing myself”. Sometimes it’s great not to be special.
* A text message from a close friend saying “Heard you’ve had a hard time. Hope tomorrow’s better”. It surprised me how moved I was by that. Compassion and empathy are the best cure.
So, that’s my lesson for this week. I’m looking forward to a much quieter one next week. How about you?